Astronomers spotted a 300-foot asteroid headed our way, giving Earth a solid 1.3% chance of reenacting a dinosaur-level reboot in 2032. The good news: we have time to figure out how to deal with it; the bad news: humanity procrastinates worse than college students before finals. Scientists are already brainstorming ways to save us, from launching space darts to nudge it off course to considering whether Ben Affleck is still available for a sequel.
Meanwhile, governments are like, “Should we fund this asteroid deflection tech or just hope it works itself out?” Classic move. If the asteroid does hit, let’s just agree now that the official impact site doesn’t count as “real estate development potential.” On a personal level, we should all finish our bucket lists—visit Paris, try skydiving, and maybe learn how to cook something other than ramen.
Maybe also double-check those emergency bunkers—though let’s be real, an asteroid impact might not care about your Costco stash. And finally, let’s enjoy the irony that humanity spent decades arguing about climate change, only to get dunked on by a rock from space.
