However unlikely this scenario may seem, you can never be too careful.
This week, a dude got swallowed whole by a giant whale! What’s even crazier is that that dude’s father was recording the whole thing on video! What’s even crazier than that is that the dude’s father was calm as a cucumber during the entire thing!
A terrifying incident caught on camera shows the moment a kayaker off the Chilean coast was swallowed by a humpback whale before being released unharmed. https://t.co/kaYSCeob5R pic.twitter.com/NLa4bj69Pn
— ABC News (@ABC) February 13, 2025
As I like to stay well-rounded, I actually was pondering this very thing a few years back, for completely unknown random reasons. First and foremost, I want you to fear not, for a couple of reasons:
- It’s very unlikely that you’ll ever get swallowed by a whale.
- If you do get swallowed by a whale, there’s nothing you can even do about it besides grab your ankles and pray.
If you do find yourself in that sort of situation, here’s what to expect.
Firstly you’ll probably be like, “WTF is going on?!” If you realize you’ve been swallowed by a whale you’ll then realize how bad it smells in that big ass mouth. Bad. Just fish, and rotting fish; basically you’re living in a world where the air is just bad breath times 1,000. The whale’s tongue weighs about the same as an elephant, so if you don’t get crushed by that, you’re still in for a bad time.
Next, you’ll slide down the whale’s giant gullet. It’ll be a tight squeeze so consider yourself lucky (or unlucky, I guess) if you don’t get squished to death on the way down. You’ll wind up in the stomach of the whale and that’s where the bad gets worse. You’ll slowly start to get digested by the whale’s stomach acids. Don’t worry though, the journey is almost over.
There’s no oxygen in there, so unless you have a scuba tank on you, you’ll pass out before being fully digested. Then, essentially, the whale will poop you out and you’ll become fertilizer for the ocean!
