Over the weekend, someone in Pennsylvania robbed an egg distribution center. Yeah, 100,000 eggs—gone. Somewhere out there, there’s a bandit with the world’s worst omelet addiction.
This happened at a place called Pete & Gerry’s Organics. Sounds wholesome, right? Like the kind of place where chickens roam free and meditate. Then you get an A-Hole criminal mastermind who decides to break in and steal $40,000 worth of eggs. Forty. Thousand. Dollars. Do you know how many egg McMuffins that is? Do you? Please, someone do the math for me. I’m a radio DJ not a Mathmachicken.
Now, the cops are on the case, but they’ve got no leads. They’re asking the public for help, like, ‘If you see someone walking around with suspiciously big pockets or hear a lot of clucking, let us know.’
And can we talk about the timing? Eggs are so expensive right now, they’re basically the new Bitcoin. You’re not cooking breakfast anymore—you’re making an investment portfolio. This thief didn’t just commit a robbery; they diversified their assets.
But seriously, who steals 100,000 eggs? That’s not a smash-and-grab; that’s a full-on heist. You’ve got to have a plan, a team, maybe a getaway truck. Somewhere, there’s a dude shouting, ‘We’re in the shell game now, boys!’
And the cops? They’re out there dusting for yolk prints. I’ll tell you what, though—when they catch this guy, I hope they scramble him.
